Apr 28, 2025
Grief and Hope in the Spring
Written by Kylene Dube, BSW, MSW, RSW
Grief Counsellor, London, Ontario
[email protected]
While spring is generally welcomed for its warmth, transformation and renewal, it can be a bittersweet time for the bereaved. It may be difficult to appreciate the beauty surrounding us when our heart is filled with grief. Spring may spark seasonal memories of our loved one, both painful and comforting, and marks another milestone in our grief journey.
Despite our grief, spring remains a season of hope – it reminds us that there is light after the cold and darkness of the winter. In time, we may feel the warmth again.
Spring invites us to recognize we can hold both grief and beauty together. We may yearn for our loved one and still admire a vibrant spring garden. We may cry when alone and laugh with a friend moments later. It is the nature of healing to experience both deep sorrow and moments of joy.
Grief does not follow a timeline and healing is not seasonal. It is helpful and affirming to give ourselves permission to be wherever we are in our grief regardless of external markers. When our internal state does not fit with the season, it may be helpful to acknowledge the discrepancy to honour our reality and not put unreasonable pressure on ourselves. It is okay to feel sadness on a sunny day and lack energy even when others have ‘spring fever.’
Keeping in mind that healing is not seasonal and that everyone’s experience is unique, the following information is provided for consideration when navigating grief in the spring.
Spring Cleaning
Spring cleaning is a familiar concept, prompted by the renewed energy we typically experience with the change of season. Organizing and cleaning may bring about a feeling of satisfaction, recognizing it may feel difficult or impossible to start or finish a project when grief is weighing us down.
Depending on where you are in your grief journey, spring may be a good time to consider repurposing your loved one’s belongings. Possibilities include donating items to those in need, gifting them to friends and family, or finding a creative way to honour their importance.
Creative Expression
Creative expression can be healing so perhaps spring is time to consider writing a poem or story about your grief experience, or creating a piece of art, jewellery, or craft project incorporating your loved one’s possessions. It may be meaningful to create a quilt from their favorite t-shirts, a shadowbox to showcase their special treasures, or a memory box of keepsakes that represents our relationship. These are tangible ways to help us stay connected to our loved one and spend time with them as needed.
The Importance of Nature
Spirit signs are often associated with nature. Many believe that cardinals, bluebirds, jays, and red-tailed hawks are spirit visitors. Various cultures and faith traditions associate butterflies with the afterlife and rebirth. Encounters with birds and butterflies may therefore be a source of great comfort for the bereaved. In recognition of the strong connection bereaved persons often feel in relation to butterflies, BFO Southwest Region hosts a butterfly release event in late spring.
Regardless of whether you hold these beliefs, the healing power of nature is well documented. Exposure to green space promotes relaxation and reduces physiological signs of stress. Research has also shown that the more time people spend outside on a sunny spring day, the better their mood and cognitive functioning (Keller et al, 2005).
Daylight savings time extends the light available for us to be outdoors and the possibilities to engage in restorative activities are endless: walking, cycling, sitting, doing a craft, meditating, socializing, writing, listening to music, playing a sport, drawing, taking photographs, reading, etc. Whatever the activity, it is not a prescription for happiness although we may experience happy moments. The intent is to invite being present and experience something in addition to our grief.
Birding
As we welcome back the migratory birds, let them fill your senses. Open your windows and listen to their beautiful songs. We can invite them closer to better appreciate their colours and details by buying a feeder, bird bath or nesting box. Consider visiting a park with a pair of binoculars and you may be surprised at what you will find.
Great Horned Owlets at Gibbons Park, London, Ontario
Gardening
Many find solace in visiting the cemetery to be with a loved one. Others locate or create an outdoor place that lends itself to reflection and processing grief.
Planting and nurturing a memorial tree or plant is both a way to commemorate a loved one and engage in ongoing healing through caring for another living thing. The creation of a memory garden or butterfly garden can be a meaningful expression of love and remembrance. If outdoor gardening is not feasible or of interest, consider caring for indoor plants or buy a spring bouquet to bring nature indoors.
The Bereaved Families of Ontario Southwest Region Memory Garden offers a space to reflect and remember surrounded by nature. The Garden is located at Springbank Park in London and everyone is welcome.
These suggestions are not intended to minimize, disregard or eliminate our grief; they are ways to create additional space for it. It is tempting to stay indoors and cocoon despite the opportunities for hope and change that spring presents. Grief can become all-consuming and isolating if we withdraw from the outside world to protect ourselves from further pain. Healing requires us to be intentional about finding ways to let in some sunshine.
Seeking support from trusted friends, family, the Bereaved Families organization and helping professionals is encouraged. Taking even small, brief steps toward connection is nourishing and can help ease the pain of loss.
Jun 27, 2024
Compiled by our practicum student, Sydney!
Books
It’s OK that you’re NOT OK – Meagan Devine
Bearing the Unbearable – Joanne Cacciatore
Grief Works – Julia Samuel
The Year of Magical Thinking – Joan Didion
Mourning Has Broken – Erin Davis
When your soulmates dies – Alan D. Wolfelt
The Other side of Sadness – George A. Bonanno
A Grief Observed – C. S. Lewis
Elsewhere – Gabrielle Zevin
The Astonishing Color of After – Emily X.R Pan
Transitions – William Bridges
Click here for a list of Indigenous books on grief
Click here for a list of books on grief for kids
Podcasts
All There Is – Anderson Cooper
Grief Cast – Cariad Lloyd
Grief Outloud – Dougy Center
Grief Unfiltered – Jayme Allis
Grief & Guts – Melissa Dlugolecki
Good Mourning – Sally Douglas and Imogen Carn
Give Grief a Chance – Diane Morgan
The Grief Sofa Podcast – Alice Williams and Lucy Dennis
End of Life University – Dr. Karen Wyatt
What’s Your Grief – Eleanor Haley and Litsa Williams
Videos
We don’t “move on” from grief. We move forward with it | Nora McInerny
The Adventure of Grief: Dr Geoff Warburton at TEDxBrighton
Everything around them is still there, dealing with sudden loss | Marieke Poelmann |TEDxUtrecht
The three secrets of resilient people | Lucky Hone | TEDxChristchurch
What It’s Like to Lose Someone to Suicide
How to live after your soulmate has died | Michelle Thaller
Grief Expert Julia Samuel on the Secret to Coping With Death | Lorraine
Why We Don’t “Move On” from Grief | MedCircle
How Grief Affects Your Brain And What To Do About It | Better | NBC News
6 Things Nobody Tells You About Grief
* Please note: the resources provided are for informational purposes only and do not constitute professional advice. We do not verify or endorse the accuracy, completeness, or reliability of these resources. If you or someone you know is experiencing severe emotional distress, please consult a mental health professional or call Reach Out 24/7 at 519-433-2023.
Jun 4, 2024
Butterflies From Heaven
Written by Marlene Laplante
I sat in the shade of my favorite tree
Shedding tears for loved ones I no longer see
Memories filled the moments to cheer me inside
Made me wonder a while the reason I’d cried
I thought of the good times we had in the past
The love that was then was love that would last
My eyes turned to flowers in the garden nearby
A movement of colours had caught my eye
So many butterflies dancing around
Kissing the blossoms they all did surround
A couple broke free and flew over to me
One on my hand while the other danced free
My spirit was lifted such calm came to be
Butterflies from heaven had visited me
Jun 4, 2024
Turning 21 As A Mom
Written by Janet Frood
Twenty one years ago to this day I became a Mom for the first time. Our son Ryan Frood Hawke was born prematurely at 29 weeks. He has forever changed my life. Today he is my greatest mentor and guide. His life of five weeks was short and yet powerful in many ways. His life and death caused a major shift in my life that woke me up to my calling and the work I do today. I am abundantly thankful for the imprint that Ryan has left on me. I try daily to live the lessons I learned from him. Twenty one in person years represents a new stage of maturity. It’s a transition time to independence; to a new level of maturity and freedom. That’s what I’m reflecting on today – the new stage of maturity that I am standing in as a mother.
Ryan brought me into motherhood. Since then Shannon and Jason have nurtured me and taught me through the journey as we have grown up together. I’ve learned that parenting is an elegant dance of sharing and loving, giving and taking, certainty and uncertainty, simplicity and complexity. Parenting is a deep, binding connection. It is a role of limitless possibilities and infinite creativity. It requires a commitment to continuous learning, discovery and flexibility.
As a 21-year old Mom, I know that Ryan’s legacy is about living whole-heartedly. Ryan’s purpose was to help me open up to the magic and mysteries of loving with no boundaries and being vulnerable. Through that I have been willing and able to more openly share my heart.
Thankfully I learned early that it’s not my role as Mom to control the journey but rather to be with as each of my children has taken their first breath and with Ryan his last. Each new step, new school year, new passion and strength discovered, each new stage of independence achieved – all I have really needed to do was to just be present.
So turning 21 as a Mom brings me to a state of ease. I now realize that I know enough for this important role. Ryan, Shannon and Jason each have abundant wisdom about what their path is and I just get to be a partner with them in their own discovery and experience. I’ve learned to trust my instincts and to respect theirs. I’ve learned to be patient and to be open to discoveries. Humbly I’ve had to learn that I do not have all the answers and despite my intention to be loving and caring can be annoying sometimes.
On the day that Peter and I got married, these words from 1st Corinthians 13 were read. Today they have special meaning as I also reflect on the deep love I have come to know as a mother.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
I occupy many roles in life. However, the role of Mom is definitively and deliciously the one I hold most dear. Thank you Ryan for anointing me as your mother 21 years ago today. Thank you Shannon for helping me be courageous enough to love wholeheartedly again. Thank you Jason for showing me the fun, joy and ease of mothering. Endless thanks to Peter, my husband, who has been my partner in parenting these last 21 years. Without him, I would have been lost along the way. We make amazing kids together.
I won’t say I’m all grown up but I am certainly feeling a new sense of maturity as a Mom today. Here’s to the continuing journey.
Jun 4, 2024
Walk Gently
Written by Janet Frood
I woke this morning filled with thoughts of our son Ryan. On this day, 28 years ago, we were holding him as he took his last breaths. He passed peacefully. Life was forever changed in that moment.
I always enter this day with a sense of wonder. How will it be this year? What will be stirred in me as I remember him and his short life?
This morning I asked him to co-create the experience with me.
I received these words – Walk Gently.
I feel it in my heart. A radiating epicenter of love. I am grateful that Ryan is my teacher, my companion and guide, today and always.
As I take this in I know it means more than just for today. It is the reminder of the legacy of Ryan’s life. It is a practice that has forever changed me.
The forest and nature are where I went to feel all the raw emotions of the grief that both raged in me and kept me numb.
In the early days I walked but not gently. I walked to keep moving. I needed to channel my grief into making things happen, to surviving. I was determined not to drown in the spiral of sadness that overwhelmed me.
Eventually, it was the forest that helped me process and heal. It is the forest and the practice of walking gently that now keeps me whole.
There are times I imagine walking with Ryan. He always is most present to me when I am the most still and quiet.
It’s why I still go to the forest as often as I can. When walking gently I find the centering place that allows me to quiet myself, to be present to the sentience of beings all around us.
It is there that I can explore the magic and mystery of life. It is there that I feel most connected to Ryan,
I sense him in the wind, the sun on my face, the water gurgling over stones, the leaves swaying in the wind, the clouds floating above, or the sun setting and painting the sky.
So, I will Walk Gently in this day. I will honour feelings of sadness, love and loss as they come. I will walk knowing that I am never alone on this journey. In doing so I honour the spirit of Ryan and the way he has shaped my life
